Bezos Blasts Off Into Space

“Dr. Evil” Jeff Bezos added to his evil resume by launching himself into space yesterday in an effort to cope with his recent divorce. Bezos brought an 18-year-old and an 82-year-old with him, to make this situation even more uncomfortable. “Best day ever!” Bezos said when the capsule touched down on the desert floor at the end of the 10-minute flight.

He’s fine, guys. He isn’t having a mid-life, billionaire crisis. This is totally normal behavior for someone.